Let’s Watch is a weekly recap column where I follow an anime for the course of its entire runtime. Expect spoilers!

Content Warning: The below article discusses self-harm and attempted suicide.

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We didn’t cover last week’s episode of Oshi no Ko here on the site. (I’d like to pretend that’s for some grand reason, but to be honest it’s just a combination of the fact that I’ve been sick and also reading way, way, way too much Umineko: When They Cry.) So to give a quick recap; last week, Aqua was able to convince Kana to join Ruby’s fledgling idol group, the rebooted B Komachi. It was a fun, straightforward episode that has something in common with, say, last year’s Shine Post, even if Oshi no Ko on the whole is very different from that. Tragically skipping last week also means we won’t get to discuss Kana and Ruby’s “mentor” in the realm of online marketing, masked fitness Youtuber Pieyon, in detail. He’s a pretty great minor character, all told, even if Kana certainly doesn’t see it that way.

On the other side of the coin, we got Aqua finally joining the reality show, a dating / daily life program called Love Now, he promised to take part in a few weeks back. Love Now’s cast show is of decent size, but we’re mostly going to be focusing on three characters; the fashion model Sumi Yuki [Saori Oonishi], the livestreamer MEM-cho [Rumi Ookubo], and the actress Kurokawa Akane [Manaka Iwami]. Other than Yuki coyly flirting with Aqua, this part of the episode was mostly scene-setting. (It’s to OnK’s credit that it’s willing to walk around in the less obviously-glamorous parts of the entertainment industry. Few people dream of getting famous off of gimmick fitness videos or reality TV. It’s a stepping stone thing.)

The focus is again on Yuki as this week’s episode opens up; a theatrical outburst where she cries and talks about quitting the show is, of course, just her playing up her actual feelings for the camera. Aqua observes this—and seems to have observed a lot about his castmates—and places them into three distinct categories; Yuki and MEM-cho both get “skillful”, whereas Akane is relegated, in his view, to someone who doesn’t come across well and so gets little screentime. Indeed, Yuki remains the center of attention for the first part of this episode. Within Love Now itself, she sits at the center of a love triangle, and thus most of the show’s audience interest is funneled toward her. It’s easy to get the sense that while Yuki may or may not be manipulative, exactly, she definitely at least knows how to play to her own strengths. Through all this, Aqua and MEM mostly stay out of the way, and at one point MEM actually accuses Aqua of being rather unambitious.

One person that definitely isn’t true of, though, is Akane. Throughout the episode we see her taking notes on her fellow cast members, from the camera crew, and practicing various things; stretching, fencing, line-reading. Akane is a capital-A Actor, not unlike Kana. But that’s ill-suited to a reality TV series where the main draw is everyone acting more or less how they actually do, any playing up for the camera aside, and she happens to nearly walk in on her own manager being yelled at by one of the show’s producers. She needs to leave some kind of mark on the show, or she’ll be left behind.

Oshi no Ko does something interesting here; there’s a cut-aside to Ruby and Kana, where the former has to stop the latter from tweeting negatively about a lousy soft drink she bought. Kana’s point is solid, and she says it verbatim; in the social media era, the entertainers themselves are the product. This borderline-paranoiac attitude is normal in the industry, and it makes sense, in a way, too. The Internet is a big place, and the digital abyss loves nothing more than to gaze back.

For a while, it seems like Akane’s story might be one about what happens when you don’t keep that in mind. Determined to make some kind of strong impression on Love Now’s viewers after god knows how many sleepless nights of searching her own name on Twitter and finding very little at all, she tries playing the part of the bad girl, and makes a go at snatching Yuki’s not-quite-bfs away from her. This, to put it mildly, goes badly. In the middle of a (mostly-staged) argument, she makes a dramatic hand gesture and accidentally smacks Yuki across the face, scratching her cheek. What Akane and Yuki themselves think of this whole incident doesn’t really matter; the fact that it was caught on camera means that the audience is judge, jury, and executioner here. And if you’ve ever followed reality TV even a little bit, you know how nasty this kind of thing can get.

I don’t like to screenshot fake tweets, but it’s pretty necessary to discuss what happens here. There are a lot of them.

As we see this, the show dissolves into a swarm of voices; buzzing like flies around Akane’s head as she slowly withdraws from her own life, and encounters scathing rebukes of not just the inciting incident but everything she’s ever done and even her personality itself everywhere she goes, online and off. It’s pretty goddamn depressing, and it’s impressive that Oshi no Ko can manage to convey just how hard this stuff, which can seem trivial to an outsider, hammers on you.

It’s bad enough that in the episode’s final scene, Akane leaves her apartment in a half-awake daze. She tells herself (and the group chat that seemingly all the Love Now actors are in) that she’s just going to the store to pick up some food, this in spite of the fact that a typhoon is blowing through and wind and rain are pounding down outside. It eventually becomes heartbreakingly clear that no matter what she might’ve said, Akane left the house to die. It takes the absolutely miraculous intervention of Aqua—just passing through by chance, or did he have some idea of what was about to happen?—to literally pull her back from the ledge mid-jump. (The harrowing moment is spoiled only very slightly by the rather inappropriate choice to fade the show’s ED song in. I think total silence might’ve been a better call this time around.) The real visual jewel here is a match cut between how Akane feels—tragically free—and how she actually looks standing in the pouring rain.

There’s no such thing as a pretty suicide. Thankfully, good fortune saw Akane saved in the nick of time, but it’s worth thinking about the context that Oshi no Ko was originally written in. The entertainment industry is no stranger to performers being pushed to the brink by an uncaring public, and the arc happened to originally serialize not long after the tragic Terrace House incident. [Just as an additional content warning, that article discusses a real-world suicide in detail, please exercise caution before deciding to read it.] The parallels are not subtle.

To some, there will never be a sufficiently tactful way to depict this kind of thing, but the horrors gestured to here are very real, and turning away when a light is shined on them doesn’t make them vanish. Not for nothing, “Egosurfing” is the only anime episode I can recall ever seeing that ends with a card showing the National Suicide Hotline’s information. Oshi no Ko is a work of fiction, so Akane was always going to be okay here. Real people, obviously, do not have that luxury, so the hotline card seems like a good inclusion.

There is no real suitable way to transition from discussing that kind of subject to my usual outros for these articles. Nonetheless, I will see you all again next week.

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