Seasonal First Impressions is a column where I detail my thoughts, however brief or long, about a currently-airing anime’s first episode or so.

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Generally I end up covering at least one or two things here per season that are total misses. Prima Doll is only one episode in, so even with everything I’m about to say about it I feel like I’d be jumping the gun by calling it a total miss. What I am comfortable saying is that of the anime I’ve so far done first impressions articles on, it’s by far the least essential. This isn’t to say that it’ll never mean anything to anyone, but I found it lacking in a crucial, tangible warmth, something that is extremely important if you’re trying to make a show that can either offer some sort of comfort to its viewership or can make them cry. Prima Doll is trying to do both, and it feels underequipped on both counts. And hey, if that’s not enough of a red flag for you, it’s also pretty dull and charmless.

The important note to make off the top here is that Key are involved with this. Key, the visual novel studio behind Clannad, etc. have a reputation for a pretty specific kind of work; shamelessly melodramatic, heavy on obvious emotional cues, and dedicated to making you cry, every time. I’m a fan of a small slice of that work—I really like Angel Beats!—but their only other series I’ve seen is The Day I Became a God, which I absolutely hated, and has put me off of seeking out much else by them. (As far as material I’ve covered on this site, I’d put it somewhere just above Pride of Orange, last year’s worst anime, which is terrible for totally different reasons.)

But that really just informs the mood of the piece. What is it actually about?

Well, if you’ve played or even heard of Girls’ Frontline, basically that. Robots in the shape of cute anime girls are, for reasons unexplained and perhaps unimportant, the main language of warfare spoken in this world. Our protagonist, Haizakura (Azumi Wakai), is one such robot, here as in Girls’ Frontline called a doll. (No “T” this time.)

For reasons currently unknown to us, she ends up repaired by mysterious café owner and employed there, along with other “broken” dolls, all of whom have various quirks that prevent them, one must assume, from being useful in military action anymore.

Haizakura herself is very clumsy in a way that, to be honest, I found extremely grating.

^{It should not make me actively annoyed when a character is subject to slapstick.}

She also faints whenever she uses her abilities, which at one point she does to deactivate a rampaging military drone. Drones and dolls are different. I Guess.

This first episode’s plot involves her trying to reunite a young girl named Chiyo (Misaki Kuno) with the doll who served as her surrogate older sister, Yugiri, who looks, sounds a bit like, and has the same name as Yugiri from Zombie Land Saga. (Whether this is an intentional reference, a coincidence, or a mind-bogglingly ballsy example of plagiarism is unknown to me.)

Yugiri, coincidentally, is deactivated in the cafe’s basement. Somehow, Haizakura turns her back on (or something else does and Haizakura is just there when it happens, it’s not totally clear), and Yugiri and Chiyo spend some time together. But oh no! The ending of the episode reveals that Yugiri actually has amnesia and feels terrible about it, so she lies to Chiyo and tells her she’s “going on a journey” so as not to hurt her feelings, and is then deactivated again and promptly returns to the cafe basement.

Look, I’m a pretty huge sap, and I’m not shy about admitting it. But even as I could actively feel it trying to tug at my heartstrings, most of Prima Doll‘s tearjerking did nothing for me. It’s really hard to nail this kind of thing down when it’s done right, and maybe even moreso when it’s done wrong. Obviously this is all very fiddly and subjective, but to me there is simply something too self-conscious, too obvious, and maybe even too contrived about Prima Doll.

There is certainly potential in the notion of a group of “broken” people—very literally, here—discovering a found family in each other. This is a notion that unites works of fiction as disparate as, indeed, Angel Beats! and, say, James Roberts‘ More Than Meets The Eye. (Hey, the dolls from this and the Transformers from that are even both robots! There you go.) But that’s the sort of thing that requires a delicate touch and a good command of character writing. Prima Doll displays zero evidence of having either at this point, and if it’s this unwilling (or unable) to show off even a little bit of that, I see equally little reason to give it much chance.

And as a final note, yes, there’s some potential also in the background and setting, but when stuff that’s actually good at worldbuilding—say, Lycoris Recoil, which is even also partly about a café—is airing this season, why on Earth would you bother with this?

The Takeaway: Pass.

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